100 Random Rumours
The exiled Sorceress Izabellica has cursed the entire town of Jake's Pride. People may not exit rooms or buildings without being slammed violently in the buttocks from behind by closing doors. It is rumoured that something vile and witty was said to her long ago when she was told to leave.
Accept the results above, Or press "Roll Again",
Or scroll down and roll your own percentile dice for random numbers,
Or just pick what you want from below. It's your adventure.
100 Random Rumours
1 His Majesty, King Dormalonn the Weazer of Mooseville, has declared murder legal in his kingdom and throughout the whole world.
2 In East NuNuNington, there are local bee keepers who have been breeding hives selected to buzz in four part harmony. Gold has been earned giving mid-day concerts.
3 Panner Creek is rumoured to have a haunted forest of boring ghosts. They don't scare. They lounge about in broad daylight. They just sit on rocks and tree stumps and tell long winded stories.
4 In Pester's Crossing, citizens may only make purchases and conduct business using hand puppets.
5 It is rumoured that deep in the mainland, there is a secret, brutal regime where all of the children are forced to learn numbers and reading for up to six hours a day!
6 The treasurer of Lonnifeld has declared that small pebbles and dried grass are the new official currency of that nation. Exchange rates are still being determined. Some negotiations have been violent.
7 A new spice has been discovered called Yeckettica. It makes everything that tastes like chicken, taste like grapefruit instead.
8 The Ruling Council in Batscare has been passing and enforcing laws that are written and based on helping the majority of their common population. Traveling Jesters have confirmed the truth of this wild news, and avoid the town for lack of policy to ridicule.
9 Murderous Demons have invaded the rope walk in Steel Block Bay. They have become entangled and woven into the strands of the new coils. Now thousands of feet of rope have been sold abroad that will creep out at night and strangle anyone nearby.
10 Alchemists in Accordionopolis have discovered how to turn monkey screams into lemon juice. They are extremely proud of it. The people just smile and ask...''Why?''
11 The citizens of The Sausage Wastes have been cursed by a bitter wizard. They may not exhale or speak without lying. Oddly enough, no one is noticing any big difference there.
12 Orchard trees in the flatlands of HerlioCongreeve have evolved to scream in near agony when their fruit is picked. Harvesters with particularly cruel and vicious attitudes are in high demand there.
13 Every mirror in Sporebunk has suddenly stopped showing real faces and started reflecting meerkats in heavy makeup, wearing feathered hats.
14 A mad resident of Pawny Valley hikes to the top of snow covered Mount Wheeler every week and hunts. Then she ties two thin strips of waxed wood to her feet and slides down to her village fast enough to risk death by near collisions with trees, rocks and people. She has been doing this for years. She would be arrested for her own good, but it would ruin the betting pool they have going.
15 The exiled Sorceress Izabellica has cursed the entire town of Jake's Pride. People may not exit rooms or buildings without being slammed violently in the buttocks from behind by closing doors. It is rumoured that something vile and witty was said to her long ago when she was told to leave.
16 Not the easiest rumour to confirm, but there was, supposedly, a village on the outskirts of Splendor Pile that dissappeared from lack of belief that it existed.
17 It is common knowledge that Nocturne Rock is a town so violent, that all of the Inns and taverns have bars, tables, chairs and benches molded by magic folk out of solid granite. ( This allows for low breakage and ease of cleaning at the end of each night. )
18 Princess Isadora Pillbox of the Sour Mash Plateau has declared that only CHILDREN may write the laws and give the orders in her land. Forever and ever. Adults must ask permission to leave their homes or use the out house.
19 The Viceroy of Poodlerville has travelled abroad and saw a stage play for the very first time in his life. He was so impressed, that he has returned home to write scripts for the everyday life of the townsfolk, and begun entering their homes to direct their lives.
20 The small fishing town of Gropps Puffark has defied natural law. It has un-anchored from its own bedrock and floated out to sea. It's inhabitants are supposedly taking turns gathered at its shores and rowing it back to land.
21 There is a Trade War between East and West Moldpoof. The East side of town is selling paint pigments from the local mines. The West side is selling a confection they call ''Pig Mints''. Confusion is costing both sides money.
22 East Moldpoof has discovered a way to use regular cow's milk as a paint binder. It works wonderfully. It smells absolutely AWFUL.
23 Festoonia on Blapp, is a lovely farming and livestock raising settlement on the Arbuckle Peninsula. They have saved millions in gold over many years by employing spell casters to shrink their cattle for easy transport to other cities. Some buyers are as far away as the Depsicon Continent. Magic casters are employed in pairs to prevent entire herds from re-sizing to normal while on board small cargo ships.
24 The Kingdom of Klem has declared war on its neighbor, Soolia for stealing all of its good weather. Soolia has enjoyed continuous mild summer weather all year long, for eight years running, while Klem has been cold and rainy during the same stretch of time.
25 After a few scattered complaints, it was revealed that the Kingdom of Ullsimo has been exporting pens, ax handles, canes and dinner cutlery that are all made of fresh, human bones. When confronted with this and questioned about it, the merchants there simply replied . . ''What? Is this a problem?''
26 The massive city of WALL has no houses, buildings or temples.. the entire city is one long winding forty foot tall stone battlement. The Fifteen foot thick convoluted and tightly curled wall has hundreds of hallways, stairwells, balconies and enclosed large chambers scattered throughout the whole length of it. Only the oldest residents can travel from one side of the city to the other without becoming hopelessly lost. It is also rumoured that an invading army breached the wall some twelve years ago, but has not yet been seen.
27 The dammed city of Polly Barkus ( yes . . . dammed ) consists of a massive stonework bowl filled with water. Plazas and buildings all sit on forty foot tall stone pillars. Their streets and alleys are waterways and they get everywhere within the city by boat. Invaders who attempt to breach the walls are washed away by flooding water.
28 King Fetchy Dengle of Plaid Tundra travels in luxury and renown with an elaborate entourage. His travels seem un-ending, being the perpetual visiting guest to one royal court after another and charging all of his expenses to their local artisans, Inns and caterers. It has been revealed by one of his embittered ex-courtiers that Plaid Tundra is actually the underside of a four foot square kitchen table in a cottage somewhere.
29 The Emperor of DuBelisoph has proclaimed that taxes may be collected and brought to him from any city or country in the world. All bandits and thieves who present these taxes will be declared honored citizens and given fancy-ass titles.
30 SnowCap Stilts, the mountain village chain of houses overlooking Gumby Valley, will accept payment from anyone in order to spell out messages in common. Using bright lanterns meticulously placed in their many windows, a sentence of ten words can be read from as far away as 20 miles, anywhere in the valley. The last reported message was ''Enid Spandau is a pimply faced boyfriend stealing little strumpet.''
31 The Merchant Council of Springwood has invented a game called BASHEE. Opposing regiments must move a wagonload of fake ''goods'' from one end of an arena to the other as they attack one another with fists and sticks. ( This is to avoid too many fatalities.) It has become very popular among spectators, and gambling on teams has generated enough funds to pay for the whole endeavor. Winning teams are hired as caravan guards.
32 If you are a gambler of any sort, take care not to run into a mysterious, traveling Necromancer. This vengeful man was once cheated horribly by a team of con artists. He has made it his life's work to trap the souls of predatory card sharps into a cursed deck of cards that he created.
33 Rude notes, gossip and scathing insults were spread to neighboring communities surrounding Zgoldlerville. The infuriated citizens converged on the tiny settlement only to discover too late that the entire town was a mimic convention. A terrible feast followed.
34 In coastal nations along the Cold Lands, the nobility rank themselves by how large their attending orchestra is. All hob nobs provide themselves with a musical accompaniment to their everyday life. When they meet, their musicians must share common tunes.
35 Soldiers of Vompanneron are trained in the performance arts and valued as actors who can convincingly play dead. Springing up for a quick back-stab after appearing to be a battlefield corpse, is an often used tactic. Overly dramatic displays among these ranks during battle, find their staggering about and wailing loudly as they feign injury, are applauded by a volley of arrows. Their encore renditions of 'Dead Warrior' are usually 100% convincing.
36 There is a special prisoner under guard in the city of FussBudget, being held for mass murder. It is a cloak. Individuals unlucky enough to wear it are swiftly and violently consumed by it until there is nothing left. Authorities tried to hang the cloak. Then they tried to burn it. Some say the cloak itself is alive. Some say something lives inside it. Others speculate that it opens up a doorway to another time and place filled with ravenous omnivores. Thus far, no one knows. The local law enforcement have no clue what to do with it except keep it in a well guarded cell under lock and key.
37 The Baron of Lorriefeld has bankrupted his city and fled into hiding. Apparently, he did not like waking up before 10 in the morning. He was so miserable from being woken up by bright sunlight streaming into his bedchamber, that he commanded nearly every man woman and child to perform a year and a day of heavy labor in order to build an immense WALL to the East of town that would block the sun. The treasury quickly dwindled bringing in stone for the project ( which was never completed.) A few formerly influential merchants have pooled their gold to hire bounty hunters that can track him down and return him. Their plan is to execute him for destroying the city, by force-feeding him the shredded bits of a heavy curtain he could have used to draw across his window.
38 Skichandor now has a full regiment of flying soldiers. Their Captain of the Guard discovered (by accident) that stiff poles and fabric would enable her to glide like a bird, when she was camped at the edge of a steep cliff one night during a powerful windstorm.
39 The village of Keltsbok is now exporting hero stories. For 100 gold, they will carve a wooden statue of anyone and declare them the village savior and hero for one day. Anything a paid client eats or drinks at the local tavern is free, and if strangers ask about them they will fabricate a tale of great bravery and sacrifice. For 1,000 gold, you can be hero of the week and any locals traveling out of the village will spread the story at any Inns or Taverns they happen across.
40 There is a thriving port on the North coast which holds an annual race to celebrate their defeat of raiding pirates 100 years ago. The competitors must speed along on stilts, while wearing huge, festively painted animal heads constructed from hardened wheat paste and strips of fabric. Some participants also add massive bird wings and long tails of rope and ribbon. The winner receives a new fishing boat and their choice of a free book from the city's library.
41 A hastily scribbled note was found, tossed out by The Wizard Halimunk of Cordrifell, requesting that someone kill him immediately. He had been is offering Time travel tours to amusing moments in history throughout the world. The very first use of tobacco. The very first riding of a horse. First tooth pulling. First beer drinking. First time travel tour. First time travel tour. First time travel tour. First time travel tour.
42 The city of Sherringwood on the Cold continent has offered a 1,000 gold reward to anyone who can sneak into their city. They have been meticulously testing and perfecting their wall and patrol methods for the past ten years. They have shared their methods with NO ONE.
43 A thief is traveling about from Festoonia on Blapp. She is wanted for horse thievery and employs a shrink spell to miniaturize them before tucking them into a robe pocket. She then re-sizes them to normal at the edge of town and rides off to sell them elsewhere. Look for a woman walking carefully with a lumpy robe.
44 The city of Maurosellzic is gradually buying up all of the region's supply of ball bearings. Someone in the Arcane council there has crafted a spell that can pull and store energy from ANY rotating stone. Each citizen has a walking wheel in their home which will set a stone flywheel spinning. They can earn silver by walking in the wheel for a few minutes a day. Doors, gates, marketplace stairs, and children's playgrounds are all fitted with mechanical devices that spin tiny flywheels constantly. The power is stored in many large Crystals beneath the city. The spell has been kept a guarded secret . . . . So far.
45 For many years, the residents of Cruel Joke have been raising their children to be WRONG about everything, including how to speak. If you run across any people who dress in wooden serving trays, walk backwards and greet you with '' Aggleptico! Spoon num num of Frost Toad we ask? Loudly milked, we beseech Pelican.'', after which, they may turn to their right and bow while smacking the serving trays hung about them.. . . It is likely they are from Cruel Joke.
46 The Royalty and outlying ruling families of Crunchbast have grown weary over the past few decades. The lingering famine in their lands have had them enduring the endless and irritating moans and tedious lamentations of their starving populace. By way of relief and distraction from this, they have taken up a new and amusing pass time. Great wealth can be had from them these days by tailoring beautifully rich and ornate doll's clothing that will fit rats. Monthly Rat Fashion Pageants are now all the rage among their circle, and jewel encrusted, elaborately trimmed gowns, pantaloons and even tiny footwear have been crafted for their collective rat menageries. Sumptuous banquets are followed by well staged displays of rat fashion models, trained to step slowly along a small narrow platform for all of the Nobility to scrutinize and admire.
47 A vindictive and easily offended Sorceress has cursed the town of Fendergut with a dire enchantment. Every resident has had their flesh turned invisible. No ill health or painful malady accompanies the effect, but nothing of these poor folk can be seen but their skeletons. Their bodies are perfectly normal and present, but only their bones are visible. Merchant trade and visitors have dropped off sharply there, along with social events and dating.
48 The hard working fisherfolk of NohReck Bay cannot find crab, fluke, sea bass, shrimp or any of the other staple catches they are used to harvesting from the ocean. Rumour has it that these creatures have stopped reproducing out of depression that the King and Queen of the Sea are getting a divorce. Fact checking seers have postulated that a more likely reason could be the tons of raw sewage the people have drained into the bay from their growing sttlement, along with relentless over-fishing. These seers have been labeled heretics by the locals and driven away to the ''Big City'' to join other fancy pants doom mongers.
49 Town of Mellikle Rock is suffering a strange curse. All residents seem to be separated from the ground they walk on by a tiny fraction of an inch, the distance increasing day by day. The problem became extreme some months ago when people found they were smacking their heads at the top of doorways. No loss of gravity or tread friction. They still leave footprints in the dirt. They are not floating nor becoming taller. They are all simply higher away from the ground by about an inch per week. If it continues, they may soon be unable to reach common items or even enter their own homes. They will be walking about, high up in the air. Helpless.
50 Under the cruel laws and taxes of Gregory Scumbillo, the city residents of Clacker's Bane have rebelled against their Baron. They have claimed full legal sanctuary within a twelve acre patch of land at the center of town. They plan to build UP in a tower to the sky and put all of their services, homes and resources in stacked levels for as high as they wish. The tower is sixty feet high by now. Thugs, soldiers and enforcers sent by the Baron have been greeted with short, sharp showers of sh- . . . ill will.
51 When travelling North along the main road, be sure to stay out of Murphy's Law Woods. Rumour has it that there used to be a town deep in that curs'ed forest. Now, the spot where it stood seems to be a crumbling patch of ashen ground. Recent notable forays into the area have resulted in adventurers tripping and falling onto snapped tent posts, cartographers stabbing themselves with sharp quills and bandits having their legs chewed off by fire ants.
52 The floating city of GodGoof will now accept visitors. The native population ( super beings who very nearly but not quite became gods ) have promised, ''No more practical jokes this time. We swear.''
53 The yearly harvest festival of Poomhokker village, includes a ramp climbing competition. The ramp is made of canvas covered square boards that are made slick with multi-colored paints poured onto them by gleeful children at the top. Slipping and sliding down the wet ramps produces interesting large paintings before the victor reaches the top. The canvases are then dried and removed from the boards and sold for outrageous prices to distant lands as ''Abstract Folk Art''.
54 There seems to be a mysterious, traveling OUT HOUSE moving about the lands that is actually a Spacious and well lit Magic Shoppe on the inside. Rumour has it that the tiny structure has destroyed whole towns and villages with it's deadly spell scrolls and curs'ed artifacts.
55 People of Tendarri Flats are claiming that they have repeating visitors from the stars. They describe them as glass-like, but shaped like people. These strangers from the sky offer strange drugs in exchange for crude, low value wood carvings.
56 A city on the Mainland has been struck with a curse that is making their population dwindle over many decades. They must leave their valley in order to have children. If anyone attempts to procreate while in their homes, a large dog appears in a flash right there in the bedchamber and BARKS LOUDLY and ceaselessly.
57 The wall guard of Jekkleburg are now using giant, polished metal mirrors to reflect the rays of the sun at attacking enemies. Bored pranksters played with them once a few years back and set the city on fire. They were shaved bald, beaten with sticks and wrapped in glue-soaked blankets before being banished via catapult.
58 A tinkerer named Leonard Skope has been setting up listening barrels in his small town. The system is made up of empty ale kegs, mounted in top floor windows. Taught wires run from one keg to another and anyone, even non-magicians, can hear what is happening on a connected barrel just by sticking their head inside!
59 The country of Verijastan has made it illegal within their borders to buy, sell or own a wig.
60 Yimponnaville has been cursed with 3:00am vocal concerts. People wealthy enough to own many pairs of socks, are woken up in the dead of night as their bedroom furniture drawers slide open and their socks behave like hand puppets and begin singing to them in close harmony.
61 In the city of SkellerDreep it is an offense punishable by death to play cards with a squirrel.
62 Ankler Crossing was once a thriving city. Now... it is a half-buried mountain of pure lead. It seems some clever spell caster discovered an incantation that will turn any size cloud into solid metal, instantly. Sadly, upon the first testing of his spell, his aim was straight up to the zenith at a huge hammerhead. It is presumed that whomever it was took his secret with him and is now a gooey paste mixed in with the dirt, smashed buildings and other unfortunate town's folk.
63 Somewhere out in the perilous ocean, there exists a place called ''Insulam perdita omnia''. (The Isle of Lost EVERYTHING.) Socks, writing quill's, styluses, hairbrushes, keys, shovels, jewelry, pets . . . yes . . . even lost PEOPLE can be found there. (But the bedrock of the island is mostly socks.)
64 In Port Scorbius, it is illegal to accept money from a crowd that is gathered to watch you run head first into a stone wall.
65 In New Geckler, you will become a mandatory slave of the city for life if it is discovered that you have a misspelled tattoo.
66 You will be imprisoned for a full year in the desert town of Shriekerfist, if you are found guilty of frightening a piglet.
67 In the South Coast nation of Ahmponniko, a consortium of powerful merchants have played a practical joke on the ruling family by chopping their royal heads off. Close relations and courtiers have fled the country for lack of a sense of humour.
68 Alchemists and healers in PennyCumbler are experimenting with unique ways to cure common illnesses without magic. Brave volunteers are needed. Many brave volunteers. . . . Weekly.
69 Slaves of Imandria have all been declared free, and given PAYMENT for their daily torturous work. They are now enjoying the liberty of buying their food, tools, clothing, bedding and rented shelter from whomever once owned them. Failure to pay for their own keep is punishable by death from starvation and eviction from their rented patch of indoor sleeping dirt.
70 Queen Oxylassio is seeking a cure for the Pekkitang plateau Accent. This peculiar accent is unique to the plateau and is characterized by lips pushed as far forward as they can stretch, and every sentence enunciated with such harsh crispness that it appears the speaker its trying to violently crack each word over a stone. The citizens also have a tendency to repeat the last word of every sentence, as if trying to kill it with a second blow.
71 Appalled with the rise of foul language in her Lands . . Queen Angeline Varnecia has decreed that all curse words in her realm must be replaced with the names of flowers. Citizens caught using the old vulgar swear words must publicly have their mouths washed out with molten iron.
72 There is a trend among the wealthiest citizens in Casparaht to wear outer robes or cloaks that consist of small, living mammals bound together by their limbs with miniature chains, shackles.and harnesses. Garment feeding has become a respected and sought after new skill.
73 Much gold can be had from the petty and vindictive marketplace vendors of Oksilliko. They will purchase live, healthy wild animals and monsters. Their practice is to hire enchanters that will trap them inside small coins with a timed spell that will release them at midnight. They will slip one of these cursed coins in among the change given to customers that offend them.
74 The Terror Clowns of Pahloov have discovered springs and inflated animal skin suits. They now cart around massive, stone ''Shoes'' painted in bright spots and stripes. The springs emerge from the top of the stone shoes. These Pahloovian performers strap their legs to the springs and have trained themselves to fall over and smack the ground with amusing screams of pain, only to spring back upright and weep dramatically at their plight. Onlookers at festivals have traveled for miles to see it.
75 Nude ice-skating exhibitions have been BANNED in the northern province of Smooter Mend.
76 The Mayor of Rebobville is offering a reward of 200 gold for anyone who can locate the source of all nightmares throughout the world. He'd offer more, but his town is very poor and that's all he could steal from the treasury.
77 Princess Lanikulk of Bwobinool is convinced that her whole island consists of a soft, shortsleeved undergarment dropped into the sea by a gargantuan god with severe body odor.
78 The miners of Arabesque have abandoned their jewel mine and left the town forever. Over the course of only a few months more than twelve people disappeared within a few feet of their fellow miners without a sound. If that weren't eerie enough, what was left in their places were remarkably accurate, full scale stuffed doll replicas. The dolls are being studied by seers and wizards. They are nothing but cotton fabric and straw stuffing. The town began emptying out further as members of the investigating group began being ''replaced'' even as they gathered together to discuss their findings.
79 The New Nation of Ong Napahrr is holding a competition for producing a flag. Requirements and guidelines were decided by a committee of their wisest merchants, nobles and administrators. The design of each entry MUST include: A hawk, a river, an ox, a mountain, a bag of coins, a crowd of peasants, the sunrise, a corn stalk, a crescent moon, the number 74, a cat, the discovery of fire, a chalice, the ocean, two voles and a fork. Basic advice for hopeful competitors is to keep it simple.
80 A mountebank and potion peddler ( name unknown ) will be pardoned of all crimes and offered a reward if he will turn himself in. His modus operandi was to visit an herbalist and purchase small quantities of cheap, common ingredients and grind them into a powder. He would then fill bottles from a nearby stream or pond and add some of the powder to each of them. He was last seen in Kekavia Village, selling his concoction as a cure for baldness. Strangely . . Each of the nine customers who tried the mixture grew a full head of hair within a week. Bounty hunters hired by merchants and healers, have been warned not to injure him, but bring him back alive for questioning.
81 In Langtalia, it is still a serious crime to attempt any impersonation of a giant crow. Violators will be taken to the highest tower and thrown off the top, being instructed to fly. For reasons not yet known, it is perfectly acceptable to dress up as any OTHER bird.
82 In the Pandangalong Province, the penalty for theft of any kind, is to be locked in a cell for 2 weeks with quills, ink and parchment. The criminals are then watched over in shifts by a series of hyper critical guards and forced to write down EVERYTHING they know about everything for twelve hours each day. Breaks are included for toilet visits and meals. The pages are collected and bound in book form, then auctioned off for civil income.
83 Garlic Crossing is cracking down on spies from other cities. If you are discovered to be spying, you will be covered from head to toe with shovel loads of fresh ground pepper and stuffed into a cheap burlap sack. You must then hop to the outskirts of town without help of any kind.
84 In the district of Warbler's Quarry, it is a crime to teach a Badger how to read and write. It is also a crime to read to a Badger. It is also a crime to write to a Badger. It is also a crime to read anything written by a Badger that has been taught to read and write. Squirrels are fine though. No problem with Squirrels.
85 A small group in Keelbasah's Pride have invented a new profession called Fill-Oss-Oh-Fee. Thus far there are eighty Fill-Oss-Oh-FURRS in the city. These specialized thinkers have been meeting in a large dining hall every month, and arguing over the idea of multiple realities. One faction believes multiple realities are possible. One faction believes they are ridiculous and impossible. Another small pocket of them are undecided. A single one of them ( Boris Smoot ) insists that there are eighty separate realities in one hall, every time they meet. The Fill-Oss-Oh-Furrs, on the whole are deeply jealous of his insight and sneak minced garlic into his after dinner fruit cocktail.
86 The town of Croakerfield on Montanic has been rotating. It slowly spins like the hour hand on a wind-up clock and has been doing so for the past five years. Excavations below the town have revealed nothing. Daylight and shadow were confusing to all when the phenomenon first began, causing pets to expect feeding time every hour or so, and shop keepers to wonder when they should close or open. No dizziness has been suffered except by the perimeter guards. Stepping into town at the outer edge can be a challenge. Inquiries as to how it began and who or what caused it are ongoing.
87 The Baron of North Zumtik has been missing for three years. Four look-alike standins that he employed for public events and safe traveling are all that the people have seen since his disappearance. The body doubles have been ruling in his place by committee, but spend most of their time arguing over who gets to wear his best clothing. The Baroness has remained silent on the matter and divides her private time equally among the four impersonators.
88 A small group of Alchemists to King Elbifoss of Breen are being severely punished. His Majesty hosted a birthday party for the Princess. All of her little friends were invited. The alchemists invented a decorative powder for the event that could be brushed on any surface to produce a brilliant, sparkling rainbow sheen. It was made of finely ground beetle shells and dried fish scales. They called it ''GLIDDER''. With so many young boys and girls running about the castle, there were few surfaces un-contaminated by this substance. Days after the party . . There was an infuriated scream from the Royal garderobe. The King emerged and called for the inventors to be brought before him immediately.
89 In Ketchiveenia both citizens and traveling visitors will be jailed if it is proven that they engaged in erotic innuendo during meals in public settings. Local Inns and Taverns have given up trying to purge their menus of suggestive foods.
90 Princess Knecker of SuePal is driven to replace ''bucket'' terms for people in general. Designations such as ''Townsfolk'', ''Villagers'' and ''Citizenry'' somehow offend her and she would like them all replaced by ''Kyle'', ''Fido'' and ''Louise''.
91 On the Pekkitang plateau, if visitors mock the local accent, they will be locked in a cage and poked with sharp sticks until they pass out from blood loss. It is not a written law . . . The locals just HATE when people do that. They're sensitive in the extreme about it.
92 Port Bettabong and Fort Rammington are now in bitter combat with each other. Hostilities broke out at an embassy dinner where Lord Skewp was served three more slices of beef than Lady Cannigliarro. Upon her protestations, Lord Skewp flung his plate to the dogs behind him and informed her that they were more deserving of the meal than she was and that she had the face of an angler fish. Lady Cannigliarro rebuked physically by climbing onto Lord Skewp's head and forcing his face into a tureen of mashed potatoes. Casualties from the war are mounting, though the couple have announced their wedding date, with confident expectations that they will sign treaties and declare peace some time after the honeymoon if they get around to it.
93 A talented performer has won an esteemed and long standing song contest in Greater Reboovia. Though it was performed in her own language and not understood, her song was so perfectly sung and the melody so beautiful that it brought the Emperor to tears. It was only after she departed the country with her prize, that the song was translated into the local language. ''Your lands are like big platters of bat guano - Your people are all walking, bloated rat testicles and the Empress is a porcine, reeking harlot.'' Despite the actual meaning behind the song, it is STILL being hummed and enjoyed throughout the nation.
94 A group of Master Chefs in SleepStop Township have created a new delicacy. It consists of concentrated beet sugar, strongleaf powder, dandelion root and sealing wax. They boil it, cool it and press it into soft brown blocks and have named it CHOK-OH-LIT. Riots and violent crime have been reduced to nearly half wherever wagon-loads of the confection have been delivered.
95 A bitter and long-standing conflict continues between the Sovereignties of Aspornia and Mollevinto. It is believed to have originated some 180 years ago at the Wedding of Prince Caliphon and Princess Muriel, where the wizard Hoppticus summoned a Reek Demon during the vows. In retaliation, the wizard Pannifuss apparated sixty rabid monkeys wielding pitchforks and manure buckets. Many survived the historic event, but the war goes on.
96 A new and lethal species of tree has been discovered on the Hot continent. Observations report that the tree's leaves turn to metal before dropping off in the fall, and slice up nearby creatures when a high wind blows. Anything in the vicinity caught by a spinning flurry of these razor sharp leaves will become fertilizer for the surrounding soil.
97 Cackle Bat, the village idiot of Zinkville, has accidentally invented windows. He took it into his head to start stacking ale bottles onto lumps of clay in a wall opening of the local saloon. The opening will now let in light without letting out heat. He was rewarded handsomely with a bucket of slugs and an amusingly shaped chunk of hardened cow dung.
98 Prince Mitt Fife Newt Rex of the Sauroof Peninsula, is seeking a magic healer who can make it possible for others to breathe for him. He claims it is FAR too laborious and troubling to inhale air for himself, and that it is right and fitting for lesser mortals to serve his need for respiration. A multitude of healers have come forth, promising to end the Prince's breathing problem . . . forever.
99 The Mad Merchants of Sad Bone have gathered a great sum of gold to make roads and streets out of stone blocks. They claim that miles and miles of smooth, solid roads will make trade easier and reduce damage to their wagons and fancy private coaches. They estimate that the roads will be completed in less than 600 years. So . . . don't dawdle if you're looking for work.
100 The insect people of the Sunlands are nearly see-through. They eat wood. And they can start their own fires by focusing the rays of the sun through their palms into a pinpoint of light on tinder. They communicate with numbers and taps with their antennae.