Random Bits of Pocket Loot
23 gold and a strange tangle of hooks, pitons, crampons and wires attached to a complex body harness. A tag is attached. It reads: ''The Cliffhanger 5000! Fool friends and enemies by appearing to jump or fall from a deadly cliff. Slip into the harness, secure the trailing wires to the edge-grabbing hardware included. Smack in the pitons and cover them with leaves or grass. Leap or 'fall' out of sight and silently hug the rock face. MINUTES of hilarity!
Accept the results above, Or press "Roll Again",
Or scroll down and roll your own percentile dice for random numbers,
Or just pick what you want from below. It's your adventure.
"Loot" - Roll a d100 for the coins in column 1. - Roll a second d100 for the loot item in column 2.
Example: Rolling a "52" and a "97" Equals 26 silver and a silver duck call.
1 50 gold
1 A silk pouch filled with fake gems.
2 1 silver
2 A velvet sleeping smock covered with the repeating pattern of a cartoon Goblin head.
3 49 gold
3 A single-use wand of ''Cloth-to-Tobacco''. It will transform any fabric ( worn, draped or carried ) into loose, fresh pipe tobacco. It will not work beyond ten feet from the target.
4 2 silver
4 A Trout. 'Dead for about four days. It is rank and gooey.
5 48 gold
5 A beautifully ornate and well made gold locket on a silver chain. Inside is a miniature painted still life of a bowl of fruit. Engraved on the back: ''Enid Spandau is a pimply faced, boyfriend stealing little strumpet''.
6 3 silver
6 A packet of onion jerky with Ostrich bile dipping sauce.
7 47 gold
7 A single-use ''Trumpet of Chimp Summoning''. A tiny brass trumpet that will disappear after producing a screaming Monkey somewhere within ten feet of the summoner. The little beastie will run wild and cause chaos for 1 to 6 minutes and then return to whatever jungle it was pulled from.
8 4 silver
8 A heavy white oblong of some hard material covered in strange glowing runes. A tag is attached by a strong ribbon. It reads: ''Shop Shell! - The merchant's best friend! Forget locks, alarms or traps. Worry not over corrupt city guards or night thieves. Place it on any counter and activate this enchanted ward when you close up shop. Any creature that attempts to break into your establishment will be instantly banished to the plane of nothing. One-Way . . . No return. Suffer no grief. - Erase the thief! SHOP SHELL!''
9 46 gold
9 A hand-sized nautilus shell carved from Dragon bone. Protruding from the shell is a tuft of soft, dry, white fibrous material much like a giant cotton ball. A tag is attached with a strong ribbon. It reads: This shell will dispense a lifetime supply of ''Deep Woods Toilet Moss''. Fourteen tonnes of it are stored on another plane and will be drawn from through this miracle shell as you need it. ''Deep Woods'' - Always a camper's best friend!
10 5 silver
10 A tightly folded square of strangely warm fabric with buttons at each corner. A tag is attached. It reads: ''Sun Store Pot Boiler'' - Spread this blanket out in direct warm sunlight for a full day. Fold it square when the sun goes down. Set it on stone or metal for safety. It will quickly grow hot enough to boil a full pot of water with no fire or smoke. And remember the ''Sun Store'' motto! Don't touch until it cools down Ya' crazy bastitch!
11 45 gold
11 A strange tangle of hooks, pitons, crampons and wires attached to a complex body harness. A tag is attached. It reads: ''The Cliffhanger 5000! Fool friends and enemies by appearing to jump or fall from a deadly cliff. Slip into the harness, secure the trailing wires to the edge-grabbing hardware included. Smack in the pitons and cover them with leaves or grass. Leap or 'fall' out of sight and silently hug the rock face. MINUTES of hilarity!
12 6 silver
12 A ''Mini-Moo'' cow collar. An enchanted collar that will shrink a bull or cow down to the size of your hand, and reduce the weight proportionally as well. Useful for transporting livestock of all varieties. Lasts until removed. Animal travel safety enclosures recommended.
13 44 gold
13 A palette of vicious defacing. Tag attached reads: ''The Snap Palette Replace-a-Face Art Improver!'' - Every stuffy old Manor or Grand Palace has grim and dusty portraits of forgotten ancestors or distant, noble cousins. Wipe the smiles and the faces off those decrepid old oil paintings. Replace them with YOURS! Make your most amusing face, snap the palette, and every single portrait in that structure will display your much more entertaining expression instantly. The palette may be used ONCE. The results last for as long as the paintings do.
14 7 silver
14 A tasty looking bone shaped dog treat. ''The Dog Bark Bakery Bone!'' A tag is attached. It reads: '' Silence a guard dog and keep it busy. Once this treat is snapped up and eaten, every bark from the patrolling pooch will pop out a warm, yummy cupcake right before its eyes! Lasts one hour.''
15 43 gold
15 A potion of Youth. The brand and its effects are widely known. ''Chelsey's Chug Cheat. A Temporary Treat!'' Restores your body back to the physical age of 21. Lasts 1 week. When it wears off, you die instantly and without warning.
16 8 silver
16 An amulet of devine fakery. Wear this palm-sized disk amulet and watch it display the icon of whichever god is the most popular in the region you are traveling in. In areas where gods are not worshipped, it displays a comforting puppy dog face.
17 42 gold
17 A surprisingly heavy and expensive tome. The pages of this large book display gruesome step-by-step detailed instructions and drawings. Title on the spine: ''Turn That Dried Up Gnoll Corpse Into a Fully Functioning Accordion!'' ( Music sheets in the appendix. )
18 9 silver
18 A surprisingly well-drawn vellum ''flip book'' animating a King falling down through the toilet seat of a guarderobe.
19 41 gold
19 A long chain of thin silk handkerchiefs tied together at the corners. They are in multiple festive bright colors. It takes a full minute to retrieve the whole string of them with continual pulling. On the end there is a note: ''Thanks for killing me you bat faced little turd. A POX on all your clan!''
20 10 silver
20 A potato peeler with a large grip. The grip is hollow and closed at the end with a screw cap. Inside is a dry, pink powder known commonly as ''Wild Vision Dust''.
21 40 gold
21 A single-use wand of ''Cloth-to-Coffee''. It will transform any fabric ( worn, draped or carried ) into loose, fresh coffee beans. It will not work beyond ten feet from the target.
22 11 silver
22 A strangely shaped, metal oil lamp. Slightly dirty. There are words engraved on the underside. ''Go ahead and rub this lamp. I ain't doin' NUTHIN for you.''
23 39 gold
23 A handwritten bundle of papers that were once a book. ''So You've Been Stabbed In the Head. What Now?''. Instructions for recovering.
24 12 silver
24 A quart-sized wooden tankard. It has ''World's Greatest Boss'' carved on the side.
25 38 gold
25 A wet, mashed up goo that can be identified after a moment as a breakfast. It was scrambled eggs, sausages and hash browns. No wrapping. No sack or pouch. Just a full breakfast stuffed into this pocket.
26 13 silver
26 A fake spell scroll labeled ''Tree Tipper! Turn a full grown tree upside-down right where it stands!'' When unrolled it displays some badly drawn symbols and shapes along with garbled nonsense words.
27 37 gold
27 A whale's tooth with an extremely rude scrimshaw drawing on it.
28 14 silver
28 A thin pamphlet listing a dozen ways to start a violent brawl at an Inn or Tavern.
29 36 gold
29 An impressive set of parchments with detailed plans for turning monster bones of all sizes into deck furniture and kitchen utensils.
30 15 silver
30 a small bag of strangely shaped caltrops that fit together in different ways to build little crude castles, animals or figures.
31 35 gold
31 An illustrated guide to the rare skill of sheathing your sword with one hand without looking at it. SUPER impressive!
32 16 silver
32 A crudely ink-stamped coupon for 50% OFF on classes at ''Panky Spood's School of Cool Looking Combat Moves''.
33 34 gold
33 A long scroll of city names, containing the best amount to offer crooked guards for ''getting things done''.
34 17 silver
34 A quickly written list of things NOT to say to a wood nymph.
35 33 gold
35 A scribbled set of instruction for turning a lute into four different types of lethal weapons.
36 18 silver
36 A scribbled out guide to Goblin swear words with pronunciation notes for each.
37 32 gold
37 A sharpened Wyvern rib letter opener.
38 19 silver
38 A ''Belt of Escaping''. It looks like normal brown leather belt. Slipped into a split compartment at the back are a thin, flat sharp blade and a flexible lock-pick.
39 31 gold
39 A chain mail pouch with a handle. It contains a pearl-sized ball of mystery metal that weighs 60 pounds.
40 20 silver
40 A small bellows, workable with one hand, that creates a prolonged duck quack through strips of leather and tin where the air comes out.
41 30 gold
41 A set of ''auto dance'' bun forks. Jab them each into a dinner roll and they will begin an ancient skip and kick dance.
42 21 silver
42 A portable ''chess set of loud amusement''. Set the board up and make a first move. The pieces all suddenly burst into a shouting chaos of very amusing ''smack talk'' at their opposing sides.
43 29 gold
43 An air skin stop bottle with ''Eterno Lava'' (tm). Shake the bottle and it becomes a subtle orange light source and hand warmer.
44 22 silver
44 A thin, cheaply made, stamped metal replica of an Ektheose Dragon shield. On the unpainted side there is a small label that reads ''Always bring a friend to visit Master Mungo's Souvenir Land!''
45 28 gold
45 detailed instructions on how to build a trap. The boiling raccoon manure exploder.
46 23 silver
46 A sword belt. That is, a belt that transforms into a sword when it is slipped away from any clothing and the buckle is firmly gripped.
47 27 gold andw
47 A bear growl mini-doll. This small stuffed bear toy is enchanted to create an alarmingly loud and realistic bear growl in the immediate area when its tummy is squeezed.
48 24 silver
48 A pair of black leather ''spider walk'' gloves. They do not effect the wearer in any way, but when removed they join together to imitate a spider and scurry into the pocket, pouch or bag they were last stored in.
49 26 gold
49 A ''monkey fist'' knot tied in horse hair twine.
50 25 silver
50 A collection of 7 dice. All in strange shapes and different number totals. Black, with white numbers.
51 25 gold
51 A thumb-sized, solid platinum Mobius loop.
52 26 silver
52 A palm-sized golden curtain tassel. Possibly cut from a wealthy person's drawing room decor.
53 24 gold
53 A full head mask of a fruit bat. It's made from dyed sheep skin and has sharp wooden ''teeth''.
54 27 silver
54 A pair of bulky slippers shaped like cartoon eagle feet.
55 23 gold
55 A forged pass to enter ''Marzipan's''. (A High-End gambling club in Port Stencher).
56 28 silver
56 A glass prism that splits a stream of sunlight into 7 shades of grey.
57 22 gold
57 A turtle shell Yo-Yo.
58 29 silver
58 A flat, square rectangle of glass painted blue. Engraved into the glass are the letters of the common alphabet.
59 21 gold
59 An oddly carved ball at the end of a long string. It makes a loud, high-pitched whistle when swung around in a circle overhead.
60 30 silver
60 A shrunken head with a well preserved dragonfly tattoo on the forehead.
61 20 gold
61 A tiny toy boat carved out of solid lead.
62 31 silver
62 A small, mysterious bag of seemingly un-cuttable fabric. It has no opening. Inside there seems to be a writhing, growling creature of an unknown shape.
63 19 gold
63 An introductory letter for admittance to Doctor Feneggle's School of Head Lump Reading.
64 32 silver
64 A fortune teller's prophesy for today's date. ''All will go well for you. Nothing but success and triumph!''.
65 18 gold
65 A tube-shaped crystal with one clear end. When peered through, it displays a full-color beautiful riverside town image.
66 33 silver
66 A steel ocarina.
67 17 gold
67 A small bottle with a label that reads ''Lisa Wilamina's Terror Pills Of Deadly, Wretched Horribleness''.
68 34 silver
68 A small tin model of a piglet with spring loaded back legs. When wound up and released, the toy will do a back-flip.
69 16 gold
69 An electrum necklace with an emblem showing three phases of the moon.
70 35 silver
70 A thin cone of vellum paper holding crumpled bits of salted cornmeal doggy treats.
71 15 gold
71 A chest lock with no key.
72 36 silver
72 A small, tangled up skeleton marionette.
73 14 gold
73 A thumb-sized golden replica of a platypus.
74 37 silver
74 A silk pouch with a fist-sized lump of melted candies inside.
75 13 gold
75 A large bandana with zebra stripes on it and the words ''Happy Customer of Desiac's Mid-Town Pleasure Palace''.
76 38 silver
76 A bundle of twisted horse hide strips woven together to form a tree shape.
77 12 gold
77 A beautiful and ornate jewel encrusted chalice with an engraving inside the lip. ''They went to Ektheose and all I got was this lousy chalice.''
78 39 silver
78 A cup-on-a-stick ball on a string game. Printed around the outside of the toy are the words ''Visit Splendor Pile!''
79 11 gold
79 A solid glass paperweight with a 100% real looking human warrior figure at the center of it.
80 40 silver
80 A wooden snuffbox with a VERY lewd scene carved into the top.
81 10 gold
81 A pair of undershorts with a repeating pattern of cartoon trolls on it.
82 41 silver
82 A leather cat collar that has ''PRINCESS'' burned onto it.
83 9 gold
83 fifteen sets of bootlaces bundled tightly together in an ivory napkin ring.
84 42 silver
84 A thick walled potion bottle, holding a dead praying mantis.
85 8 gold
85 A ring that makes a loud, whizzing siren noise if blown into.
86 43 silver
86 A magnifying magnifying glass. Known also as ''Brock and Sandler's Sun Point Incinerator Disk''. Click a small button at the end of this marvel and it will grow to three feet across. Direct the rays of the sun through it onto your food and it will sizzle until it bursts into flame. At noon, it has been seen to actually MELT iron! Click the handle button again to reduce it back to normal desk magnifier size
87 7 gold
87 A dinner fork with a grip that has fake gems embedded in it.
88 44 silver
88 A market map of a city. No name on it.
89 6 gold
89 An unusually powerful load stone.
90 45 silver
90 instructions burned onto sheep skin, showing how to tie a clove hitch.
91 5 gold
91 An oblong, smooth, rattleback river stone.
92 46 silver
92 A Master-Crafted golden astrolabe from a foreign land. Very nearly PRICELESS for where you are.
93 4 gold
93 A taxidermy glass eye for use in mounting a shark's head.
94 47 silver
94 A folded, brightly colored party mask depicting a dog's eyes and snout.
95 3 gold
95 A waterproof, leather sack holding four fried chickens and a bottle of ale.
96 48 silver
96 A very small, hand-drawn guide booklet to edible plants.
97 2 gold
97 A silver duck call.
98 49 silver
98 A ram skin tube of hair loss prevention cream.
99 1 gold
99 A tightly wrapped packet of raspberry jerky pellets.
100 50 silver
100 A Wyvern hand puppet.